U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
