I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
