Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
