So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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