ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I accidentally burped into my bong.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
