I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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