i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
