I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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