There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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