jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
