Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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