I smell stomach acid.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
