i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
