FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
