So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
