omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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