The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
NoShamevember. You game?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
