Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
