We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
