vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
