I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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