I think i sorta joined a cult last night
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
