Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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