HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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