When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
