C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
