She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Only a mothe r could love this liver
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
There's even glitter on my cock...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
