Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Blood and glitter go together right?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
