my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
