Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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