There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
