this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just invented taco cereal.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
