I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
