I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
