At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize