what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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