guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
