wrigley field is MILF paradise
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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