Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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