Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
