she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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