Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
