I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
