Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I have aggressive nipples.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
