Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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