it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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