I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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