my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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