Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Randomize
