I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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