Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
