please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
