her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
