i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
