Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
