you guys were way drunker than both of me
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
