singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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