so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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