GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
