and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
should my penis look like a turkey
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
