So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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