I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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