If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
