plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
