and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
