you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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